Let's Fantasy Draft the NBA!

Ok, let me start this blog post by saying I am quite under the influence of alcohol right now. I decided to put all 30 NBA teams into a random order (by computer), and predict how they would fantasy draft their teams' starting 5's if the league decided to do such a thing. I will go through 6 rounds of the first ever NBA fantasy draft to get starting 5's and sixth men for all 30 NBA teams if such thing were to happen. I put the NBA teams in alphabetical order and put the numbers 1-30 in a number randomizer to get the draft order. The draft will be like a fantasy NBA draft in that it will snake through the teams (i.e. the 30th team will also get the 31st pick and the 1st team won't have another selection until the 60th pick). Then I will drunkenly pick the best starting 5 and sixth man among the 30. I will be analyzing each starting 5 for how they would fare in ONE season, not over several seasons, and that every player is healthy to start the season (which will also affect the way I will perceive teams' draft strategies). Here we go...

1ST ROUND

1. Detroit Pistons - LeBron James, F

2. Portland Trail Blazers - Kobe Bryant, SG

3. Denver Nuggets - Dwyane Wade, SG

4. San Antonio Spurs - Chris Paul, PG

5. Sacramento Kings - Kevin Durant, SF

6. Minnesota Timberwolves - Dwight Howard, C

7. Utah Jazz - Tim Duncan, PF

8. Atlanta Hawks - Carmelo Anthony, SF

9. Indiana Pacers - Chris Bosh, PF

10. Dallas Mavericks - Steve Nash, PG

11. Golden State Warriors - Deron Williams, PG

12. New Orleans Hornets - Derrick Rose, PG

13. Miami Heat - Brandon Roy, SG

14. Boston Celtics - Dirk Nowitzki, PF

15. Toronto Raptors - Pau Gasol, PF

16. Charlotte Bobcats - Chauncey Billups, PG

17. Philadelphia 76ers - Joe Johnson, G/F

18. Houston Rockets - Kevin Garnett, PF

19. Los Angeles Clippers - Shaquille O'Neal, C

20. Cleveland Cavaliers - Tyreke Evans, G

21. New Jersey Nets - Monta Ellis, G

22. Milwaukee Bucks - Amare Stoudemire PF/C

23. Oklahoma City Thunder - Danny Granger, SF

24. Los Angeles Lakers - David West, PF

25. Chicago Bulls - David Lee, PF

26. Memphis Grizzlies - Luol Deng, SF

27. Washington Wizards - Al Horford, PF

28. Orlando Magic - Zach Randolph, PF

29. Phoenix Suns - Rajon Rondo, PG

30. New York Knicks - Paul Pierce, SF

2ND ROUND

31. New York Knicks - LaMarcus Aldridge, PF

32. Phoenix Suns - Al Jefferson, PF/C

33. Orlando Magic - Gerald Wallace, SF

34. Washington Wizards - Stephen Jackson, SF

35. Memphis Grizzlies - Russell Westbrook, PG

36. Chicago Bulls - Rudy Gay, SF

37. Los Angeles Lakers - Josh Smith, SF

38. Oklahoma City Thunder - Carlos Boozer, PF

39. Milwaukee Bucks - Kevin Martin, SG

40. New Jersey Nets - Andrew Bynum, C

41. Cleveland Cavaliers - Caron Butler, SF

42. Los Angeles Clippers - Jason Kidd, PG

43. Houston Rockets - Brandon Jennings, PG

44. Philadelphia 76ers - Rodney Stuckey, PG

45. Charlotte Bobcats - Marc Gasol, C

46. Toronto Raptors - O.J. Mayo, SG

47. Boston Celtics - Aaron Brooks, PG

48. Miami Heat - Antawn Jamison, PF

49. New Orleans Hornets - Brook Lopez, C

50. Golden State Warriors - Ray Allen, SG

51. Dallas Mavericks - Chris Kaman, C

52. Indiana Pacers - Baron Davis, PG

53. Atlanta Hawks - Andrea Bargnani, PF

54. Utah Jazz - Trevor Ariza, SG

55. Minnesota Timberwolves - Michael Beasley, PF

56. Sacramento Kings - Nene, C

57. San Antonio Spurs - Corey Maggette, SF

58. Denver Nuggets - Andrew Bogut, C

59. Portland Trail Blazers - Marcus Camby, C

60. Detroit Pistons - Devin Harris, PG (huge sigh of relief to get out of NJ)

3RD ROUND

61. Detroit Pistons - Luis Scola, PF

62. Portland Trail Blazers - Mo Williams, PG

63. Denver Nuggets - Lamar Odom, F

64. San Antonio Spurs - Kenyon Martin, PF

65. Sacramento Kings - Tony Parker, PG

66. Minnesota Timberwolves - Andre Iguodala, SG

67. Utah Jazz - Jamal Crawford, PG

68. Atlanta Hawks - Andre Miller, PG

69. Indiana Pacers - Wilson Chandler, SF

70. Dallas Mavericks - Vince Carter, SG

71. Golden State Warriors - Danilo Galinari, PF (PF only because it's Don Nelson)

72. New Orleans Hornets - Jeff Green, F

73. Miami Heat - Raymond Felton, PG

74. Boston Celtics - Ron Artest, SF

75. Toronto Raptors - Jarrett Jack, PG

76. Charlotte Bobcats - Hedo Turkoglu, SF

77. Philadelphia 76ers - Brendan Haywood, C

78. Houston Rockets - Thaddeus Young, SF

79. Los Angeles Clippers - Troy Murphy, PF

80. Cleveland Cavaliers - Elton Brand, PF

81. New Jersey Nets - Grant Hill, SF

82. Milwaukee Bucks - Jonny Flynn, PG

83. Oklahoma City Thunder - Jason Richardson, SG

84. Los Angeles Lakers - Eric Gordon, SG

85. Chicago Bulls - John Salmons, SG

86. Memphis Grizzlies - Carl Landry, PF

87. Washington Wizards - Stephen Curry, G

88. Orlando Magic - Jason Terry, G

89. Phoenix Suns - Corey Brewer, SF

90. New York Knicks - Manu Ginobili, SG

4TH ROUND

91. New York Knicks - Emeka Okafor, C

92. Phoenix Suns - Al Harrington, PF

93. Orlando Magic - Joakim Noah, C

94. Washington Wizards - Kendrick Perkins, C

95. Memphis Grizzlies - Jermaine O'Neal, C

96. Chicago Bulls - Gilbert Arenas, PG (falls this far for bad salary and character)

97. Los Angeles Lakers - Anderson Varajao, C

98. Oklahoma City Thunder - Mike Conley, PG

99. Milwaukee Bucks - Shane Battier, SF

100. New Jersey Nets - Rashard Lewis, PF

101. Cleveland Cavaliers - Channing Frye, C

102. Los Angeles Clippers - Louis Williams, SG

103. Houston Rockets - Rip Hamilton, SG

104. Philadelphia 76ers - Richard Jefferson, SF

105. Charlotte Bobcats - Courtney Lee, SG

106. Toronto Raptors - Mehmet Okur, C

107. Boston Celtics - Samuel Dalembert, C

108. Miami Heat - Spencer Hawes, C

109. New Orleans Hornets - Ronnie Brewer, SG

110. Golden State Warriors - Brad Miller, C

111. Dallas Mavericks - Al Thornton, SF

112. Indiana Pacers - Zydrunas Ilgauskas, C

113. Atlanta Hawks - Andray Blatche, C

114. Utah Jazz - Roy Hibbert, C

115. Minnesota Timberwolves - Mike Bibby, PG

116. Sacramento Kings - J.R. Smith, SG

117. San Antonio Spurs - Nazr Mohammed, C

118. Denver Nuggets - Ty Lawson, PG

119. Portland Trail Blazers - Kevin Love, PF

120. Detroit Pistons - Ben Wallace, C

5TH ROUND

121. Detroit Pistons - Rasual Butler, SG

122. Portland Trail Blazers - Peja Stojakovic, SF

123. Denver Nuggets - Paul Millsap, PF

124. San Antonio Spurs - Anthony Morrow, SG

125. Sacramento Kings - Jason Thompson, PF

126. Minnesota Timberwolves - Andrei Kirilenko, F

127. Utah Jazz - Omri Casspi, SF

128. Atlanta Hawks - Martell Webster, SG

129. Indiana Pacers - Carlos Delfino, SG

130. Dallas Mavericks - Marvin Williams, PF

131. Golden State Warriors - Shawn Marion, F

132. New Orleans Hornets - Boris Diaw, PF

133. Miami Heat - Ryan Gomes, SF

134. Boston Celtics - Arron Afflalo, SG

135. Toronto Raptors - Matt Barnes, SF

136. Charlotte Bobcats - Udonis Haslem, PF

137. Philadelphia 76ers - Charlie Villanueva, PF

138. Houston Rockets - Nenad Krstic, C

139. Los Angeles Clippers - Tayshawn Prince, SF

140. Cleveland Cavaliers - Randy Foye, PG

141. New Jersey Nets - Brandon Rush, SG

142. Milwaukee Bucks - Tyrus Thomas, PF

143. Oklahoma City Thunder - Greg Oden, C (somebody HAD to take the risk)

144. Los Angeles Lakers - Kirck Hinrich, PG

145. Chicago Bulls - Joel Pryzbilla, C

146. Memphis Grizzlies - Anthony Parker, SG

147. Washington Wizards - Dahntay Jones, SG

148. Orlando Magic - James Harden, SG

149. Phoenix Suns - Chris Douglas-Roberts, SG

150. New York Knicks - Chris Duhon, PG

6TH ROUND

151. New York Knicks - Ersan Ilyasova, SF

152. Phoenix Suns - Jonas Jerebko, SF

153. Orlando Magic - Jose Calderon, PG

154. Washington Wizards - Steve Blake, PG

155. Memphis Grizzlies - Chris Andersen, PF/C

156. Chicago Bulls - Drew Gooden, PF

157. Los Angeles Lakers - George Hill, PG

158. Oklahoma City Thunder - James Posey, SF

159. Milwaukee Bucks - Jared Dudley, SF

160. New Jersey Nets - Beno Udrih, PG

161. Cleveland Cavaliers - Josh Howard, SF

162. Los Angeles Clippers - Mickael Pietrus, SG

163. Houston Rockets - Rasheed Wallace, PF

164. Philadelphia 76ers - Ben Gordon, SG

165. Charlotte Bobcats - Mike Miller, SF

166. Toronto Raptors - Nate Robinson, G

167. Boston Celtics - Hakim Warrick, PF

168. Miami Heat - Eddie House, G

169. New Orleans Hornets - DeMar DeRozan, SG

170. Golden State Warriors - Andres Nocioni, SF

171. Dallas Mavericks - DeJuan Blair, PF

172. Indiana Pacers - Jameer Nelson, PG

173. Atlanta Hawks - Kyle Lowry, PG

174. Utah Jazz - Taj Gibson, PF

175. Minnesota Timberwolves - Quentin Richardson, SF

176. Sacramento Kings - Roger Mason Jr., G

177. San Antonio Spurs - Mike Dunleavy, SF (I had to screw the Spurs at some pt.)

178. Denver Nuggets - J.J. Hickson, PF

179. Portland Trail Blazers - Shannon Brown, G

180. Detroit Pistons - J.J. Redick, SG (Why not?)

LINEUPS

PACIFIC DIVISION

Golden State Warriors

C - Brad Miller

PF - Danilo Galinari

SF - Shawn Marion

SG - Ray Allen

PG - Deron Wiliams

6TH - Andres Nocioni

Los Angeles Clippers

C - Shaquille O'Neal

PF - Troy Murphy

SF - Tayshawn Prince

SG - Louis Williams

PG - Jason Kidd

6TH - Mickael Pietrus

Los Angeles Lakers

C - Anderson Varajao

PF - David West

SF - Josh Smith

SG - Eric Gordon

PG - Kirk Hinrich

6TH - George Hill

Phoenix Suns

C - Al Jefferson

PF - Al Harrington

SF - Corey Brewer

SG - Chris Douglas-Roberts

PG - Rajon Rondo

6TH - Jonas Jerebko

Sacramento Kings

C - Nene

PF - Jason Thompson

SF - Kevin Durant

SG - J.R. Smith

PG - Tony Parker

6TH - Roger Mason, Jr.

NORTHWEST DIVISION

Denver Nuggets

C - Andrew Bogut

PF - Paul Millsap

SF - Lamar Odom

SG - Dwyane Wade

PG - Ty Lawson

6TH - J.J. Hickson

Minnesota Timberwolves

C - Dwight Howard

PF - Michael Beasley

SF - Andrei Kirilenko

SG - Andre Iguodala

PG - Mike Bibby

6TH - Quentin Richardson

Oklahoma City Thunder

C - Greg Oden

PF - Carlos Boozer

SF - Danny Granger

SG - Jason Richardson

PG - Mike Conley

6TH - James Posey

Portland Trail Blazers

C - Marcus Camby

PF - Kevin Love

SF - Peja Stojakovic

SG - Kobe Bryant

PG - Mo Williams

6TH - Shannon Brown

Utah Jazz

C - Roy Hibbert

PF - Tim Duncan

SF - Omri Casspi

SG - Trevor Ariza

PG - Jamal Crawford

6TH - Taj Gibson

SOUTHWEST DIVISION

Dallas Mavericks

C - Chris Kaman

PF - Marvin Williams

SF - Al Thornton

SG - Vince Carter

PG - Steve Nash

6TH - DeJuan Blair

Houston Rockets

C - Nenad Krstic

PF - Kevin Garnett

SF - Thaddeus Young

SG - Rip Hamilton

PG - Brandon Jennings

6TH - Rasheed Wallace

Memphis Grizzlies

C - Jermaine O'Neal

PF - Carl Landry

SF - Luol Deng

SG - Anthony Parker

PG - Russell Westbrook

6TH - Chris Andersen

New Orleans Hornets

C - Brook Lopez

PF - Jeff Green

SF - Boris Diaw

SG - Ronnie Brewer

PG - Derrick Rose

6TH - DeMar DeRozan

San Antonio Spurs

C - Nazr Mohammed

PF - Kenyon Martin

SF - Corey Maggette

SG - Anthony Morrow

PG - Chris Paul

6TH - Mike Dunleavy

CENTRAL DIVISION

Chicago Bulls

C - Joel Pryzbilla

PF - David Lee

SF - Rudy Gay

SG - John Salmons

PG - Gilbert Arenas

6TH - Drew Gooden

Cleveland Cavaliers

C - Channing Frye

PF - Elton Brand

SF - Caron Butler

SG - Tyreke Evans

PG - Randy Foye

6TH - Josh Howard

Detroit Pistons

C - Ben Wallace

PF - Luis Scola

SF - LeBron James

SG - Rasual Butler

PG - Devin Harris

6TH - J.J. Redick

Indiana Pacers

C - Zydrunas Ilgauskas

PF - Chris Bosh

SF - Wilson Chandler

SG - Carlos Delfino

PG - Baron Davis

6TH - Jameer Nelson

Milwaukee Bucks

C - Amare Stoudemire

PF - Tyrus Thomas

SF - Shane Battier

SG - Kevin Martin

PG - Jonny Flynn

6TH - Jared Dudley

NORTHEAST DIVISION

Boston Celtics

C - Samuel Dalembert

PF - Dirk Nowitzki

SF - Ron Artest

SG - Arron Afflalo

PG - Aaron Brooks

6TH - Hakim Warrick

New York Knicks

C - Emeka Okafor

PF - LaMarcus Aldridge

SF - Paul Pierce

SG - Manu Ginobili

PG - Chris Duhon

6TH - Ersan Ilyasova

New Jersey Nets

C - Andrew Bynum

PF - Rashard Lewis

SF - Grant Hill

SG - Monta Ellis

PG - Beno Udrih

6TH - Brandon Rush

Philadelphia 76ers

C - Brendan Haywood

PF - Charlie Villanueva

SF - Richard Jefferson

SG - Joe Johnson

PG - Rodney Stuckey

6TH - Ben Gordon

Toronto Raptors

C - Mehmet Okur

PF - Pau Gasol

SF - Matt Barnes

SG - O.J. Mayo

PG - Jarrett Jack

6TH - Nate Robinson

SOUTHEAST DIVISION

Atlanta Hawks

C - Andray Blatche

PF - Andrea Bargnani

SF - Carmelo Anthony

SG - Martell Webster

PG - Andre Miller

6TH - Kyle Lowry

Charlotte Bobcats

C - Marc Gasol

PF - Udonis Haslem

SF - Hedo Turkoglu

SG - Courtney Lee

PG - Chauncey Billups

6TH - Mike Miller

Miami Heat

C - Spencer Hawes

PF - Antawn Jamison

SF - Ryan Gomes

SG - Brandon Roy

PG - Raymond Felton

6TH - Eddie House

Orlando Magic

C - Joakim Noah

PF - Zach Randolph

SF - Gerald Wallace

SG - James Harden

PG - Jason Terry

6TH - Jose Calderon

Washington Wizards

C - Kendrick Perkins

PF - Al Horford

SF - Stephen Jackson

SG - Dahntay Jones

PG - Stephen Curry

6TH - Steve Blake

There are the lineups from my fantasy draft. Phew, I am productive when I am drunk. Now it's time to hand out some fake superlatives!

BEST IN THE PACIFIC: Sacramento Kings

Even though Phoenix and Golden State seem to have teams that fit their respective coaching and playing styles like a glove, I think Sacramento would be the most complete team in this division. Tony Parker still has some tread on the tires, and if he stayed healthy would be a great PG to pair with Kevin Durant. They could alternate possessions terrorizing the paint with their savvy drive-to-the-dish games and Nene and Thompson would definitely work hard on the boards and on defense. J.R. Smith would be the wild card of this team, like he is for the Nuggets right now, but if he kept his head on semi-straight, this team would be very dangerous. The Kings could choose to start him or Roger Mason, Jr., who both know how to fill it up, and either one could be a great spark off the bench. I think this team would have enough going for it to trump the perfect fits in Phoenix and Golden State.

BEST IN THE NORTHWEST: Denver Nuggets

This division would come down to the Nuggets and the Blazers. Denver has Dwyane Wade while Portland has Kobe (who have now both been alpha dogs on a championship team). In the end, though, I think the Nuggets would have a more complete team with their core 6. Their complementary pieces fit a bit better than Portland's. I would take Bogut over Camby due to age and durability issues for the latter. I think Millsap and Love would be a push, and Odom is definitely a more complete player than Stojakovic at the SF spot. Portland has a more experienced point guard, but in my mind he is not one of the elite PG's in the league so it doesn't make that much of a difference. Hickson and Brown both bring a lot of energy and athleticism off the bench, though at different positions. In the end, I think the Nuggets are put together just a little better than the Blazers.

BEST IN THE SOUTHWEST: Dallas Mavericks

This division would come down to the Mavericks, the Rockets and the Grizzlies (although San Antonio has Chris Paul, they don't have great pieces around him). I had to give the edge to the Mavs because they have a solid Center in Kaman, and then essentially Steve Nash wheeling and dealing to some super stud athletes who know how to fill it up. They are not the most refined athletic players ever, and Vince Carter's selfishness would surely be an issue, but I feel Nash would be just the right leader for this group. I also love Blair coming off the bench for energy and ferocious rebounding. In Houston, I really like the Jennings-Hamilton-Garnett threesome, but their other pieces are questionable and unproven. Memphis would have the potential to be good enough to steal the division from the Mavs. If Jermaine O'Neal could play like he used to know how, their other pieces are all high energy overachievers that could simply out-hustle teams to victories. But in the end, I think the Mavs' superior talent and experience would make them the class of this division.

BEST IN THE WEST: Denver Nuggets

Of the three division best-of's I named, I think Denver would have the least amount of question marks and things that would have to go right for them to win. Also, Denver has the best player on any of the three teams in Dwyane Wade, and he has a lot more help than he does in Miami in real life. I would be disappointed if Denver didn't get to the Finals with this team.

BEST IN THE CENTRAL: Milwaukee Bucks

This division ended up loaded. I could make a case for the Bucks, Cavaliers, Pistons or Pacers as the best team in the division. When it comes down to it, though, Milwaukee looks to have the most diversified pieces of their puzzle. Flynn is a match head at the point. Kevin Martin can flat out score. Shane Battier is maybe the most under-appreciated player in the league, and he gives the team a defensive edge. Tyrus Thomas is freaky athletic and seems relatively terrifying paired with Amare Stoudemire in the front court. Finally, Jared Dudley is another under-the-radar, better-than-people-think player off the bench as the 6th man. I think all of the divsional games played in the Central would be mind-bogglingly entertaining, and in the end the Bucks would be the team to beat.

BEST IN THE NORTHEAST: Boston Celtics

This division came down to the Celtics and the Knicks for me. The Knicks look like they would be pretty damn good, but how can you argue against a team that has Arron Afflalo AND Ron Artest on the wings playing defense? They could shut down the top TWO scorers on any team they face. So if the Knicks throw Manu Ginobili and Paul Pierce at them, the Celtics would be more than prepared (and both Afflalo and Artest can shoot the rock a bit as well). The Celtics also have Dirk Nowitzki to take on the scoring load, and Aaron Brooks will zip in and out of everyone and run the show. Samuel Dalembert is a serviceable and complementary Center, and Hakim Warrick brings seemingly unlimited amounts of athleticism and energy off the bench. It's hard to make a case against this team.

BEST IN THE SOUTHEAST: Washington Wizards

This division was tough to pick. None of the teams' lineups really jump out at you and say, "Hey! We're the best!" However, if I were a Wizards fan, I would be pretty excited about my team. Curry is a special scorer, and he can be somewhat hidden defensively by Dahntay Jones. I think the Horford/Perkins front line is pretty formidable, especially compared to the rest of the division. And there's just something about Stephen Jackson. He is the one of two players in the league who I think would actually take someone's life to win (the other being Ron Artest...weren't the Pacers fun in 2004?). Finally, Steve Blake has proven to be one of the most reliable backup PG's in the league. I would be disappointed if this team didn't do well.

BEST IN THE EAST: Boston Celtics

The Celtics are the only team of the three that could win games through pure defensive prowess. Even if Nowitzki isn't scoring on a certain night, their defense would be enough to keep them in any game. Oh, and there's also that whole Ron Artest would probably kill another player to win. Advantage: Celtics.

MOST ENTERTAINING TEAM: Golden State Warriors

I made sure to draft players for the Warriors that I knew would fit their system. All of their players fit their mold of "Sure you're going to score a lot, but we are going to score more". How many threes would this team attempt in any given game? 50? And they would make a good percentage of them, too. All six of their drafted players can put the ball in the basket from distance. This team would be a free-wheeling ticket seller.

BEST OFFENSIVE TEAM: Dallas Mavericks

I'll be honest, when I was trying to choose this superlative, the first thought that came into my head was "which team has Steve Nash again?" Then I remembered it was the Mavs. Then I remembered how many weapons he would have at his disposal. This team would rip some nets.

BEST DEFENSIVE TEAM: Boston Celtics

I think I've already said enough.

BEST IN THE LEAGUE: Boston Celtics

Defense wins championships. Done deal.

Well as you can see, I have entirely too much time on my hands, and I do nerdy, sportsy, strange things when under the influence of alcohol. I think it would be madly entertaining if something like this happened for one year. If only... I hope you have enjoyed this, my most ambitious of blog posts.

Big Z in Denver: Story of a Pipe Dream

I recently learned that after the Wizards bought out Zydrunas Ilgauskas' contract, the Nuggets have been in contact with his agent to try to get him to come to Denver instead of going back to Cleveland. This is a story that at one time makes me piss-my-pants excited AND already morbidly disappointed. Big Z is almost for sure going to go back to Cleveland to re-bolster their front line for a title run. But, and this is a but that comes with enormously bad odds, if he were to join the Nuggets, he WOULD be the piece that would vault us into major, major contention for an NBA title THIS YEAR. As of right now, we are forced to play second fiddle in the West to the Lakers until we can beat them in the playoffs. On top of that, it's not even clear if the Lakers are first fiddle when you compare them to the Cavaliers. So to steal a key player from the Cavaliers in order to make ourselves better able to compete with them and the Lakers would be Willy Wonka sweet. It would be like playing one of those crane games where instead of stuffed animals they have watches and iPods. The odds are enormously against you, but if you somehow pull it off, your pants get noticeably chubby and you buy a round of celebratory drinks. If the Nuggets got Ilgauskas, I, along with the rest of the knowledgeable Nuggets fans out there, would crap my basketball pants. The Nuggets are already beating the Lakers and Cavs this year without having a 7'3" monster coming off the bench for 20 minutes a night to do nothing but clog the middle, play defense and knock down 15 foot jumpers which draw other teams' bigs away from the basket. In addition, he is dynamite on the pick and roll, which would be simply exquisite with Billups, Melo, and Lawson. I have yet to have a hometown team win a championship when I am old enough to celebrate it properly, and the Nuggets definitely have the best chance of any Denver team right now (Rockies and Avs aren't far off, but neither have the opportunity to legitimately win a championship within the next year or two). Since this has never happened for me, and Z could be the key to it realistically happening, I have decided to compare Cleveland and Denver in three very important categories to show Zydrunas the way to the Mile High City. Hopefully, he and his agent will stumble upon this obscure blog and see the light. This scenario is definitely a pipe dream, but what would sports be without pants-wetting, almost-certainly-never-going-to-happen-but-would-be-INCREDIBLE-if-it-did dreams?

CATEGORY #1: TEAMMATES

CLEVELAND: It's hard for me to make a case against playing with LeBron James. He is the most exciting player in the league and playing with him puts you right in the spotlight. He also gives you the chance at a championship just by stepping on the court. I can, however, make a case against the rest of the players in Cleveland. If I were in the NBA, I would not want to be Shaq's backup. This is especially true with Shaq playing with LeBron. His ego has already taken a big enough hit by having to defer to LBJ as the alpha dog on the Cavs, no matter how much it seems like it isn't. So you better believe that Shaq is doing everything he can to at least be the alpha dog on the block in Cleveland. Big Z would be overshadowed immensely by the the combo of LeBron and Shaq, and adding Antawn Jamison to the front court that already has an awkward foreign guy in it (Anderson Varajao), and there is even less room for Ilgauskus in Cleveland. As for the rest of the team, you know who I would rather play with than Mo Williams, Daniel Gibson, Anderson Varajao, and the rest of their cast of forgettable, barely mediocre players? The answer: just about anyone else in the league. If Z goes back to the Cleve, he gets the opportunity to be virtually anonymous and play with guys who might as well be named Frogger they are so far in the middle of the road.

DENVER: Hey! I just thought of a few answers to the question of who I'd rather play with than Cleveland's supporting cast: Chauncey Billups, Chris Andersen, Ty Lawson, J.R. Smith, just to name a few. This is not even mentioning Carmelo, who is the alpha dog in Denver, and has been transformed as a player and a person by Chauncey. Zydrunas would not be overcrowding the Denver front court like he would be in Cleveland. He would simply be turning our essentially three-man big man rotation into an excellent four man rotation. He would take up 15-20 mintues a game, which are minutes that will keep Nene fresher, help protect Kenyon Martin from injury, and complement Chris Andersen off the bench beautifully. So let's just imagine that Z will be playing mostly with the second unit (which is infinitely more exciting than the Cavs' second unit, by the way). You can't tell me that this unit's go-to play wouldn't be Ty Lawson drives off the high pick set by Z, and either drives to the basket, kicks it back to Ilgauskas for a mid-range jumper, or kicks it out to J.R. for a three. Also, Z will bring whoever is guarding him out away from the basket (let's say, Pau Gasol), leaving Bird Man much more room to do what he does best: be active, get offensive boards, and slam home put backs. Shifting to the defensive end, who are you going to drive the lane at, shot-block machine Chris Andersen or 7'3" Zydrunas? You can't ask for anything more from your second unit than to have a seemingly unstoppable go-to play on offense and the ability to shut down the lane on defense. Do you see how well you would fit here, Zydrunas?

Advantage: Denver

CATEGORY #2: CHAMPIONSHIP HOPES

CLEVELAND: The Cavs are obviously one of the favorites to win the championship this year, and the thought of them in the Finals against the Lakers just makes David Stern dewey. Regaining Z would obviously help fortify their front line to make their championship chances even greater, but it wouldn't make as much of an impact as it would in Denver. Ilgauskas would be joining a front court already chock full of egos, and there is a possibility that Z could, in the other front court members' minds, overcrowd the paint and be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Adding another player to the Cavs could set off these huge egos and turn them into a team with mental toughness issues that could actually DETER them from winning a championship.

DENVER: Like I said, Ilgauskas is legitimately the difference from a decent shot at a title to an EXCELLENT shot at a title THIS YEAR. He is the extra big man Denver needs to be a bonafide threat in the playoffs to LA and Cleveland (and it will help against Dallas too, where unfortunately, Brendan Haywood is working out swimmingly). As far as egos go, Carmelo's has been curbed by the presence of Chauncey, and I think he would relish playing with a big man like Z who can stretch the defense and open up driving lanes for him. Nene has no troublesome ego to speak of, and Bird Man will always be a crowd favorite no matter who else joins the team, so he is safe. The only potential problem would be K-Mart, but he plays PF and Z plays C, so I don't think it would be THAT big of an issue. Also, I believe that if the Nuggets are going to win a championship anytime soon, it HAS to be with Chauncey Billups running the point. And unfortunately for Nuggets fans, his window of awesomeness probably only has a few years left on it. The Nuggets need a player like Zydrunas Ilgauskas AS SOON AS POSSIBLE if we want to see our championship hopes realized.

Advantage: Denver

CATEGORY #3: THE CITY

CLEVELAND: Contrary to the way it is portrayed in 30 Rock, "the Cleve" is not a sunny, magical place where all of your dreams could come true. It is a desolate, depressing city who still accepts the nickname "The Mistake By The Lake" and is seemingly cursed when it comes to sports. No team in Cleveland has won a championship since the 1960's and they have had some Cubs-esque bad luck for all of their teams that has made sure that streak stays intact (The Drive, The Fumble, and Michael Jordan in 1989 to name just a few). Sure, the Cavs look primed to finally break the curse this year, but who is to say that Z overcrowding their front court won't spell doom for this team and add a few more logs to this city's stink-fire of sports failure. Bottom line, I wouldn't feel confident about anything, sports or otherwise, if I lived in Cleveland.

DENVER: Denver, how are you better than Cleveland? Let me count the ways. Do you like 300+ days a year of sunshine? Do you like a city nestled right up next to the mountains with seemingly every outdoor activity known to man right at your fingertips? Do you like a city that is considered a beer-brewing Mecca in the United States, which fuels a fan base that would love and appreciate you much more than they would in Cleveland? Do you like a city that has one of the best economies in the U.S. right now? These are just a small sampling of the ways that Denver is much more inviting, loving, and superior to Cleveland. But, if you want to go be anonymous in a depressing, ugly city that sits against a polluted lake rather than the Rocky Mountains, then the choice is yours.

BIG Advantage: Denver

So, you see, Z, that Denver is the Rocky Mountain high, sunny, non-cursed NBA contending city you are looking for. While Cleveland may seem like the safe choice here, it is plain and simple the WRONG choice. I know that if you actually weighed the pros and cons of each situation, you would see very clearly that Denver is the place where you fit best. But I just know deep down that you are going to break my heart and take the safe choice, which is the reason I have the phrase "pipe dream" in the title of this blog post. But hey, a man can dream, right?